intro

I've had chronic insomnia since my early teens. Chronic in the sense that it's perpetual. For most of my life I've had a sleep onset latency of 3-5 hours from the time I go to bed. This remained true no matter what time or circadian rhythm I attempted to embrace. Secondly I've begun suffering from a mild version of terminal insomnia, namely the inability to stay asleep. This has become the main issue as I hit my 40s. You know those times when you desperately browse youtube for help, hoping to find that one video with that one creator that understands what you're going through and has the same problem you do? That video doesn't exist. And this post isn't it either. We're all unique like snowflakes with our own balls of issues amounting to our issues with sleep. True, the issues are terribly mundane in the sense that we all have suffer from a rather small pool of issues, in that regard we're very far from unique.

my case

I knew my overuse of stimulants affected my sleep, yet I kept drinking coffee and using nicotine for over 30 years. Instead I kept trying supplement after supplement pushed by youtubers and bloggers. Yes, I was so addicted that I rejected what I deep down knew what was true and wasted money on garbage pushed by greed. Magnesium did fuck all (good grief did I try every bloody variety), glycine did nothing, valerian root made my cats nuts but did nothing for me, etc. You name a supplement, I tried it. Hundreds of them. When I quit nicotine the change was immediate. My onset latency was cut from 3-5 hours to 2. In fact, during the initial quitting phase I was so dead tired that many times I fell asleep instantly. Unfortunately it did nothing, absolutely nothing, with my issue of staying asleep. I kept waking up around 02 and couldn't fall back asleep. I was antsy, wired, on edge. Of course I recognized what it was but I refused to believe it. It was withdrawal symptoms. Specifically withdrawal from caffeine. My body wanted to get me out of bed and hunt for that elusive white buffalo.. the morning cup(s) of coffee. The physical symptoms of quitting nicotine were far worse than quitting caffeine, but quitting the latter was much harder mentally. You are perpetually bombarded with caffeine, in sodas, chocolate, candy, cafes, you name it. It's bloody everywhere. But quitting it did have an immediate effect, I no longer had issues falling back asleep. Taking those two steps resulted in the largest improvement of my sleep quality ever. I hadn't slept that good since I was prepubescent. But I still had the issue with falling asleep. Initially I lived with it, 2 hours wasn't that bad when you had become accustomed to 3-5. But then I stumbled on papers written on high dose melatonine supplementation.

what is melatonin

Melatonin is a hormone naturally produced by the pineal gland, primarily in response to darkness. It helps regulate the body's circadian rhythm, including the sleep-wake cycle. Melatonin levels typically rise in the evening, promoting sleep, and fall in the morning. In addition to its role in regulating sleep, melatonin is a powerful antioxidant. It helps protect cells from oxidative stress by neutralizing free radicals—unstable molecules that can damage cellular components like DNA, proteins, and lipids. Melatonin also enhances the activity of other antioxidant enzymes such as superoxide dismutase and glutathione peroxidase. Unlike many antioxidants, melatonin can easily cross cell membranes and the blood-brain barrier, allowing it to provide protection in both the central nervous system and other parts of the body. This has led to growing interest in its potential role in preventing or mitigating various diseases linked to oxidative damage, including neurodegenerative disorders and cardiovascular conditions.

cancer

Melatonin has also been studied for its potential anti-cancer properties. Research suggests that it may help inhibit the growth of certain cancer cells and slow the progression of tumors. Its anti-cancer effects are believed to be due to multiple mechanisms, including its ability to act as an antioxidant, regulate cell cycle progression, promote apoptosis (programmed cell death) in cancer cells, and suppress angiogenesis (the formation of new blood vessels that feed tumors). Additionally, melatonin may enhance the effectiveness of certain chemotherapy drugs and reduce their side effects. It should be noted that it's particularly effective against cancers related to estrogen, such as prostate and breast cancer. The top two that should interest all of us.

bullshit and myths

There is a growing trend among some YouTubers and bloggers to spread misinformation about melatonin supplementation, often claiming that taking melatonin will shut down or permanently reduce the body’s natural (endogenous) production of the hormone. However, current scientific evidence does not support this claim. Studies have shown that melatonin supplementation does not suppress the body’s own ability to produce melatonin once supplementation is stopped. This myth is frequently perpetuated by influencers with a financial interest in promoting alternative sleep supplements or "natural sleep stacks" that they sell or endorse. By creating fear around melatonin, they aim to steer their audience toward their own products, which often lack the scientific backing and safety profile that melatonin has. One often-cited but misleading claim involves a study in which melatonin supplementation was found to shrink the testicles of guinea pigs, you will find that Huberman is guilty of perpetuating this one (and, of course, he's selling his own "sleep stack"). While this study did observe changes in testicular size, it was conducted under highly specific and unnatural conditions—using extremely high doses of melatonin over prolonged periods in a species that has a very different hormonal and reproductive system compared to humans. The results are not directly applicable to human physiology, and no similar effects have been observed in human studies. It serves more as an example of how isolated animal research can be taken out of context to create fear and controversy. That said, if my balls ever shrink I'll be sure to let you know.

decreases with age

Endogenous production of melatonin naturally declines with age, with a noticeable decrease often beginning around the age of 40. In younger individuals, melatonin levels rise sharply in the evening to promote sleep and remain elevated throughout the night. However, as people age, the peak levels of nighttime melatonin diminish and the timing of its release can become less consistent.

back to my case

After decades of relying on substances like Ambien, nicotine, and caffeine, I’ve come to believe that my body’s natural production of dopamine and melatonin may be permanently diminished. I used Ambien for years to force sleep, nicotine to stay sharp or calm and caffeine to jumpstart my energy. But over time I’ve noticed that my mood, motivation, and ability to sleep naturally just aren’t what they used to be. It feels as though my brain stopped trusting itself to regulate these chemicals on its own. Whether it’s truly permanent or just the result of long-term dysregulation, I’m now facing the slow and uncertain road of trying to restore balance without leaning on the crutches I once depended on. After reading about Dr. Walter Pierpaoli, who is an italian researcher who worked most of his career on the topics of melatonin and aging, and his use of melatonin for literally decades I became intrigued. This lead down a rabbit hole of finding literally dozens of scientific papers, researchers and scientists who didn't just recommend daily supplementation but exceedingly high amounts too. We're not talking about 3-10mg here, we're talking hundreds of mg, sometimes grams worth. While I'm all about n=1 experimentation I'm not going to consume several thousand times the recommended dosage, but I figured I'd try 50mg and just see how it affected me. That number wasn't random, it was the smallest dose I could find a dosage tool for. I found a reliable source of powdered melatonin and off I went.

result

It was immediate. My sleep onset latency was reduced from 2 hours to less than 30 minutes. And it was consistent, unless I was incredibly stressed or had some type of injury I would reliably fall asleep in less than 30 minutes. Every. Single. Night. I haven't slept like this since I was 10. To this day I cannot quite believe it but my sleep onset latency is gone. Finally. Do I feel safe in recommending this to others? Yes. I've used the 50mg dose for going on a year now with zero negative effects. There's no drowsiness the next day, I don't get dizzy or feel nausea. None of the effects typically ascribed to "high" melatonin use ever actually manifest. But of course, be wary and make up your own mind. Melatonin, in its powdered form, is also cheaper than any "sleep stack". Heck, it's cheaper than most magnesium supplements that every bloody youtuber in the world is telling you to go on. If you try it and it turns out you've got some other issue then at worst you'll be out €10. Don't worry, I don't have an affiliate code, I won't tell you the brand I'm using nor where I buy it. Just get yours from a reputable source and it'll be fine, melatonin is melatonin. Nothing more, nothing less. And it changed my life.