intro

Caffeine has been a constant companion in my life. It has the dubious honor of being the first drug I got addicted to, my grandmother being the pusher when I was at the tender age of seven. "Of course the boy should have a cup!" I, naturally, hated it. Then I endured it. Then I enjoyed it. Then I was addicted to it. And that addiction lasted for almost 40 years. Last year I decided to quit just about everything. 22 year zolpidem (ambien) habit. Most of which was 5-15mg per night. 22 year earplugs at night habit. Had accepted that I'd get ear infections every 3 months or so. 31 year nicotine habit. Teens were two packs of smokes a day (as in around 22mg), up to 120mg with snus and 200mg with vaping. 34 year nasal decongestant spray habit. 36 year year coffee habit.

procedure

I've tried every way imaginable to quite coffee before. This time I didn't overthink it but simply dove in. I reduced my intake from 7 mugs of coffee a day to 1. 1.8 liters of coffee down to roughly 250ml. That was a mistake. I should have tapered. I began experiencing bizarre body pains. Attempting to describe it I've arrived at "a mix of arthritis with flu-like symptoms." That's the best I can do. It was crippling for about a week. Lifting weights was almost impossible since soreness turned into full on pain, my grip strength gave way when the pain hit my forearms and sleeping was difficult despite the vigorous massage gun applications performed by Becka. I've looked into this and the only reason I thought sounded vaguely plausible is that caffeine usage increases beta-endorphin release. It's a mild opioid that reduces pain. The evolutionary reason is likely that caffeine stresses your body in the same way that running from a tiger does, that feeling of being constantly on edge makes you more alert and focused. But being slowed down by pain in your legs when said tiger is bounding towards you is likely less than optimal, so your body produces these endorphins to make you ignore the pain and run away as fast as possible. Dropping my intake as rapidly as I did likely put me in a state of mild opioid withdrawal and the abrupt end of endogenous beta-endorphin production made me realize just how beat up my body is from the 7 out of 7 day workout schedule I employ. EVERYTHING ached, back, arms, shoulders, legs, you name it. At first I tried to just tough it out but it was a no-go, I cut out roughly 50% of the weightlifting exercises, stopped doing conditioning on the weekends and generally accepted that I'd feel like crap for a while. And feel like crap I did. It took me two weeks for the pains to subside. During those weeks I got a nifty migraine starting on day two that lasted for two days. Then headaches for day 3-5. My energy level for the first week was.. well, non-existent. Week two I was tired but at least functional but my energy level was just lower than it's ever been before. At week three I had to change something.

dopamine

It turned out that energy-wise I was likely through the worst of it during week two, but having previously quit a massive nicotine habit my dopamine system was already in a massive slump. Stripping myself of most caffeine put it through the very floor. So I employed the same substance I did during my nicotine withdrawal, namely Mucuna Pruriens, also known as the velvet bean. It contains pre-formed L-Dopa, which is a precursor just a single step away from pure dopamine. You buy it in the form of a powder designed for cooking food. This is beneficial in two regards; it keeps the cost down and it's actually regulated, unlike supplements. That means you won't get a monday batch and make yourself psychotic from overdosing on dopamine. I'm not going to tell you what dosage you should use since it's highly individual and depends entirely on your own circumstances. I was in a bad way after quitting a 200mg nicotine and 7 mugs of strong coffee a day so I freely admit I used a lot. But if you do use this, start low, as in a single gram a day tops. And taper when you quit. There's several studies out there that mucuna isn't nearly as dangerous as other dopaminergic compounds, this is likely due to other substances being in the bean that counter some of the side-effects. But it isn't fully understood, and people HAVE gone psychotic from overdosing on it. But this was in absurd quantities, as in hundreds of grams a day. That said, if you go down this route, be careful. It was a godsend though. I wasn't actually low in energy, I just had fuck-all motivation to do anything due to my low dopamine. I noticed a difference within a day of starting mucuna. It let me actually function properly again, work again.

actully quitting

I realized that I didn't want to go through the above again with that single mug of coffee I had left in the morning. So I bought some decaf and started tapering it by 25% of a cup each day. That went great and I really didn't notice any major issues until I hit 0%. Then the headaches started kicking in again. So I added a couple of mugs of green tea. Two the first few days, then one for about a week. Then nothing. And when I quit that final cup, replacing it with rooiboos so I still got something hot in the morning, I really didn't care. Tea has never done it for me. Quitting it wasn't an issue and the amount of caffeine was so low that I just added some mucuna and I was done. It is worth noting that I've tried using decaf in the mornings but even that minimal amount of caffeine gave me the feeling of stress, or some bizarre sense of being hunted from the inside. The feeling of complete and utter relaxation that I hadn't felt in decades only arrived when I went entirely, 100% caffeine free. I do not even touch chocolate. The exception being the rare occurrences when I allow myself a cup at that point I might as well have a piece of 100% chocolate.

benefits

My sleep quality drastically improved. Unfortunately it did absolutely nothing to help me fall asleep. For the first two weeks I did fall asleep easier but that was just due to exhaustion. When that stabilized I was right back to my usual sleep onset latency issues. But what it did do was massively reduce the difficulty I had falling back asleep if I woke up between 02 and 03. This is a condition tightly related to keto, some tout it as a benefit "I just need less sleep, great!" But it isn't. With my weightlifting schedule I feel when my body has fully recovered over night and sleeping 6 hours but still being alert thanks to ketones flooding my system does not cut it. Eliminating caffeine also eliminated that morning withdrawal. My body wasn't flooding me with cortisol so I'd get up and feed my caffeine addiction. I still wake up but it feels like it felt before I started keto all those decades ago. I just roll over and fall back asleep, something that was impossible when my body craved caffeine. Coffee contains acrylamide which when heated in the roasting process turns into glycidamide, which is a potent carcinogen causing dna mutations. Cancer runs in my family, I'm reducing everything that causes it. My energy level is finally even. I'm still dead tired when I wake up (likely just a quirk of my biology) but I now get out of that slump much quicker and I don't need caffeine to do so. After that I have roughly the same level of energy throughout the entire day until around 16:00 when I start getting tired. For reference I generally get up at 04:00. Since I follow a ketogenic diet I don't get the blood sugar rollercoaster but simply coast along with a reliably high energy level throughout the day.

drawbacks

I really haven't noticed any except for the social factor. But I've decided to do things differently these days. I allow myself a cup (not mug) of coffee when I'm at a cafe with friends or colleagues. It kicks like an absolute mule and I certainly can't drink it after noon, but I don't relapse and it doesn't affect my sleep. So I see no reason not to indulge in some casual drug use with friends. The urge is still there. You can't walk ten feet in a city without someone walking past with a cup of steaming coffee or a cafe turning up around the corner. The smell is absolutely soulwrenching, every fiber of my being wants me to imbibe. It's even worse than smelling tobacco from someone smoking. Not sure I'll ever get over it but it's manageable since I know that the next time I have a business lunch I'll get to inject.. sorry, imbibe my drug of choice again.

tips

After having quit I generally still have a hot beverage every morning. Sometimes rooibos, sometimes decaf coffee. They really don't do anything for me but it's comforting and the smell is pleasant. But adding a teaspoon of mct powder changes it up entirely, it snaps you into focus and gives a steady stream of energy. It almost feels like caffeine, just without the sharp edge. Have you tried rooibos and gone "This is completely non-descript, what even is the point of it?" Because I did. It has zero bite and a very neutral, albeit pleasant, flavor. Here's a tip, add a knife's edge worth of cayenne powder before you pour water into the mug. It'll give it the sharp bite you've come to expect from caffeine. If you simply cannot wake up or you're desperate for an instant hit of energy do a cold shower. Yes, it sucks. No you don't have to invest in a damn specialized tub or any of the nonsense you see by viral influencers. Just get in the shower, turn the water to the coldest setting, let it hit the drain for 20 seconds or so, then turn the nozzle towards your face and chest. Move it back and forth, hit your upper back. Do that for 30 seconds or however long you can stand. You'll have more energy than if you had consumed three espressos, guaranteed. But you'll also hate life for those 30 seconds. If a cold shower is too drastic then simply do a cold facewash, I do this throughout the day (and did it even while abusing caffeine). It's a simple, no mess way to get a touch more energy, but it pales in comparison to a true cold shower. Another simple way of retaining sharpness in the morning is to do intermittent fasting. Do not eat until around late afternoon and the hunger will keep you on edge, generating low to moderate amounts of stimulating substances designed to get you off your ass and out hunting prey with a spear. It works quite well. If you're tolerant to discomfort and want to regain the "slam a cup of coffee and wake up"-scenario then consider taking 100mg of nicotinic acid (flush version of vitamin b3 / niacin). "Niacin flush is a common side effect experienced when taking high doses of niacin, typically 50 mg or more. It causes a burning, tingling sensation in the face and chest, and red or flushed skin due to the dilation of blood vessels in the skin. This flush usually lasts for about 30 minutes and is not dangerous, though it can be uncomfortable." It feels sort of like a reverse sunburn, I find it very pleasant but I know it's not for everyone. It will most definitely wake you up. Along with this I also take 5g of beta-alanine. "Beta-alanine, a supplement used for muscle building and performance enhancement, can cause an itch or tingling sensation in some users. This itch typically starts about 15 minutes after ingestion and may last for about 30 minutes. The sensation is often felt in the neck, shoulders, and arms. The underlying mechanism involves the activation of certain neurons responsible for initiating the tingling of the skin. In mice, β-alanine elicits itch-associated behavior that requires MrgprD, a G-protein-coupled receptor expressed by a subpopulation of primary sensory neurons." This is what causes your "butthole to itch" in pre-workouts. Combine all of the above and you will wake up, most of your energy levels will be restored and you don't have to feel like a zombie anymore. But yes, it is a matter of intentionally putting yourself through discomfort. It sure was easier to just mainline caffeine, wasn't it? If you're considering doing this but have anything that even resembles the thought "But I really like coffee though." or "I don't sleep that bad, do I?" etc. You will fail. I learned this after attempting to quit nicotine for over a decade. If you're not motivated to the point where you WANT to quit, then you will relapse. It's just a matter of time. I reached that point for nicotine. I considered it a liability and hated what it did to my energy level and dopamine system. And that's when I finally managed to quit. It was the exact same with caffeine. You love coffee, I love coffee, heck even tea is alright. But you have to hate caffeine and what it does to you. The addiction. The terrible mornings until you've gotten your drug fix. Reduced sleep quality. The irritation and even anger when you're in withdrawal. How it makes you shape your habits around the addiction to make sure you never go too long without the next fix. When you get to that point, yes, you will finally quit.

outro

Was it worth it? Yes. I do not want to be a slave to drugs anymore. I don't want them to determine when, or even if, I have energy and can be productive. But the benefits honestly weren't that great. I truly hoped my sleep would drastically improve and it just didn't. That said I'm happy it's done and I'm happy with my current strategy. It truly was just a matter of being motivated.